I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
