the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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