I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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