So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
