Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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