I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
