Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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