I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
