Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
