Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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