I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
