i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
