i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
