i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
