I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
