im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Maybe he injected his testicle?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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