9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
