i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
