Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
