The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
