She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
