and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
