STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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