I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Randomize
