you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
