I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
