I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
