just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
