I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
