wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
