It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
