i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
They have beer where we have blood.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
