i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
