I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
