Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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