And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
