Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
