3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
