the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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