I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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