My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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