i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
