i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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