The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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