She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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