Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
babies were throwing up all over the place
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
