$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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