Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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