her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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