i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
